Thursday, November 3, 2011

Like a bat out of hell i'll be gone when the Esophagogastroduodenoscopy comes

OK this should catch me up. Doc Shina said I need to get a Esophagogastroduodenoscopy before the lap band, so he schedules one for me. For those who did not get one basically they sedate you and put a camera down your mouth. No it is li9ke a surgery where you go through all the prep but no cutting.
So with that in mind that morning i am getting ready and I realize no clean underwear...I am like the heck with it i got to get stripped down for surgery any way so I roll commando. So I get to the hospital and the lady hands me a gown and says get changed but you can leave your underwear on.... UM Houston we have a problem. I figure no one will know so I strip down and get the gown on and everything is covered.
The nurse comes and tells me they are going to give me a sedative that will make me legally drunk for 24 hours and will severely effect my memory. Now for those that don't know I don't drink EVER! so this could be very interesting but how bad could it be right...Well apparently after the scope i was DRUNK! and I was showing my dick to everyone. Alice was there and when I sat up and tossed my legs off the side of the gurney I was just like HELLO WORLD. So the nurse sends her for the car and i proceed to get dressed and i just lose the robe and am like capt no modesty nd the world is my stage. So after my lack of fashion show I get put in the wheel chair. And at that moment i guess sitting in the wheel chair I got the idea that "hey I have wheels I must be speed racer.
So I stole the wheel chair. Now in my mind i was going 100 mph (insert me making vroom sound) the wind flipping through my hair.
Reality i moving like an inch every 5 seconds
The nurses are in hot pursuit " you can't catch me fools!"
Me moving so slow the nurses just watching
OH no a wall (Screeching breaks noooooooooooooo) CRASH!!!!
Reality i bump into the wall and stop I hear the nurses say leave him there he can destroy anything there.

Oh yeah scope says all clear!!!


9 comments:

  1. LOL funny! I had to EGD's over the summer for ulcers they are no picnic if you are not sedated trust me. The first one I was basically awake the sedation did not work. The second I was higher than a kite! LOL

    Although I did not become an exhibitionist as you describe here.

    Too funny!

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  2. hahahaha thats funny! Glad I did not need to have that done!

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  3. That must have been a sight! The nurses must have gone home for the night and been like, honey, you are not going to believe what happened today. Seriously though, your doc has you jumping through crazy hoops!

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  4. you act like you need to be legally drunk to show your junk to the world.

    I am sorry.. but, the people at Wal-Greens, in whatever town you were in, when that Pepsi exploded on you, beg to differ!

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  5. It was in California and it was a coke and everyone knows if you are CA and have a coke you can show your junk to anyone

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